Pagtanto

_DSC8634

Paalam, 2015!

Whoa, 2015.
You were mind blowing.
It was one, heck of a year.

Let’s recap everything shall we?

1. Work
I started the year normally. Not too happy, not too sad. Everything was neutral. It was the first new year that I have a job as a teacher, and I’ll admit it wasn’t that…pleasant. I was overwhelmed with all the work that I had. You know, I’m just handling nine different classes that ranged from grade one until grade ten. No big deal! *insert sarcasm here*. Tapos ang susungit pa ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Parang, I have a world of my own! Not really, I just exaggerated a little bit. May pumapansin naman saakin noon, di gaya ng isa diyan. Hi Sam. But I was able to handle all, thank God. That was the time that I was just trying to figure out how everything works there, since I just started three months before the new year. Also, I just graduated college so I was still a bit clueless about the professional world. Pero nung nagsimula na ulit yung school year, I think and felt that I became better than before. Probably because, teaching Social Studies is just my thing. More bayanis and history to teach! Plus, I am closer with my colleagues now. We’ve been traveling and hanging out together more often, which is kinda cool.

2. My parent’s wedding
2015 was also the year where my parents finally decided to get married, after being together for twenty-two years. It was a long story why it took them so long to reach that point, but we were happy for that, especially my sister and I.

3. Pixie-cut was back
           Before 2015 started, the length of my hair was about my shoulders. Hindi ko alam kung ano pumasok sa utak ko, but I decided to have it bleached. At first I wasn’t that happy with it but it grew to me eventually. Especially when I purchased my waving iron, mas nagmukha akong tao. After a month I realized na sirang-sira na yung buhok ko, gusto kong tumubo siya ulit ng maayos. Ayun, pinagupitan ko ulit, and my current boyfriend that time was not so happy about it. When he saw me on skype, he was like “I like you with longer hair better, why did you cut it?”. Nakasimangot siya noong sinasabi niya yun. Aaminin ko, nasaktan ako noong pinakita niya yun. Sa lahat ng tao, siya yung inaasan kong matutuwa sa ginawa ko. Pero hindi eh. Oh well, that was over.

4. Him
That first half of the year I was busy, and I was in love. Around the last week of January, the guy whom I had a long-distance relationship with decided to visit me here at home and celebrate our first anniversary. He’s a foreigner, a Korean. It was a lovely time, aside from the part that he was getting bored a bit because I wasn’t touring him that much around the metro. So I just end up apologizing because I was busy for work. But nonetheless, his ten day visit was great. We were happy.

Or, so I thought.

After he left here, our relationship went downhill. It started to deteriorate around March, especially after his birthday. Lagi na kaming nag-aaway, parang naging norm nalang siya saamin. Madalas inaako nalang lahat ng faults. I always say that it’s my fault. He rarely admits that he had a fault too. We made up and magiging okay again but mag-aaway rin naman kami eventually. Tiniis ko lahat yun. Sinasabi ko lagi sa sarili ko na “Kaya ‘to. Ginusto mo ito Maan, wag kang susuko. Dapat hindi ka sumuko”. So I never gave up. Kahit dumating na yung araw na umayaw na talaga siya. Hindi parin ako sumuko. Pinilit ko. Kahit ako na yung nagmukhang tanga.

But he left.
He cut all the possible communications with me.

Until now, I never heard from him again.

5. Post break-up
         One word, miserable. Ang hirap magtrabaho habang dinadala mo yung bigat na nararamdaman araw-araw. Kahit saan ako mapunta umiiyak ako. Habang naglalakad, sa jeep, sa trabaho, habang kumakain, kung saan-saan. Dumanting sa punto na gusto ko ng mamatay dahil sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Laging umiikot sa aking isipan kung gaano ako ka walang kwenta. Inaalala ung paano ako tinapon na parang isang basura. Kaya ayun, tingin ko na lang din sa sarili ko isang basura. The only person I needed that time was my Mom. I cancelled all my plans with my college friends that time. I tried talking to them but I felt that they didn’t want to listen to it wholeheartedly. So I didn’t try anymore. I didn’t sleep in my room for almost six months, since it was the place where we always talk through skype. I just can’t stand remembering the memories we had. The post break-up was miserable, but I kept fighting until I reached the Maan I am now.

6. Leaving some of my friends behind
           Ever since my break up with him, my relationship with my some of my friends also changed. I felt that I wanted to have fresh start after the break-up, so I decided to leave some friends whom I think I can’t be with anymore. It sounds mean, pero sa tingin ko mas sasaya ako pag wala sila. Mas magiging malaya ako pag wala sila. Iba na rin kasi ang aming mga kagustuhan sa iba. Iba rin ang ugali ko sa kanila. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako magtatagal sa mga katulad nila. Hindi ko sila nilalahat, pero may mga ilan. In the middle of the year, I also decided to leave a friend whom I considered a best friend. I tried to talk to him, kaso hindi niya na talaga ako pinapansin. So bahala na siya. Thank you for everything guys, but I am way happier now without all of you.

7. Recital.
The usual annual recital from my music school. It was not as great as my 2014 recital, the break-up actually affected it, but it was still alright.

8. Passing my board exam.
Despite the shitty days, I passed my board exam! I’m officially a licensed teacher!

9. Travel with workmates and other music school friends.
I said that I got closer to my music school friends and my work mates recently, so we have been travelling to different places. It was a total breather. Some of my post break-up days were not really that bad after all.

10. Braces
I never thought I would get braces. I always get compliments from my perfectly lined teeth, but apparently my jaw is not. I discovered that I have a cross bite. It affects the way I eat and it’s getting annoying every time I bit myself because of that, so I decided to get one. I found an orthodontist, who’s related to my dad. That’s why I got a little discount for it. Ayos! I got braces from my lower teeth first and then my upper teeth after two weeks. So I have been sticking with soft foods and it was hell. It was really painful to chew for almost four weeks. Glad those days are over.

11. Bagong pag-ibig
One of the things I can’t imagine that will happen. After the break-up with the Korean dude, I never thought I will fall in love again. Like wow, less than a year? Parang ang pangit pakingan. Inaalala ko na baka isipin ng ibang tao na atat akong magkaboyfriend ulit, which is not really the case ah. Pero nangyari eh. Nagmahal ako ulit. Dumating siya na medyo hindi ko rin inaasahan. Remember I said that my colleagues and I are much more closer now? Well, there’s one colleague that I became close with, maaaaybe a bit too much. To the point that I had a crush on him like legit (before he was just my happy crush when I had a boyfriend, I don’t know he just makes me happy or smile every time I see him). His name is Sam. It’s been a month since we started dating. He’s amazing. He’s like too good to be true for me like, whoa okay, what good deed did I do this year to deserve this kind of man? I won’t come in to details (since, I’m lazy), but we’re happy.

Wow 2015. Grabe ka. Hindi ko kinaya yung ginawa mo saakin, pero sobrang nagpapasalamat ako. Kasi, eto yung taon na sobrang dami kong natutunan. I am more mature than I was and I learned to understand people more. More importantly, I was able to understand myself better as well. I know I’m still far from what I want to be, but I’ll get there. I’m not the type of person who makes resolutions. Siguro, be nice to others, do your best always and just go with the flow. Bawasan rin siguro yung insecurities ko. Yun lang talaga yung hadlang saakin ngayon. Kaya ‘to. Kakayanin ko ‘to.

2016, handa na ako.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Pagtanto

  1. Sungit Sam (actually, more of “Busy and Overwhelmed So Nagiging Masungit Nang Hindi Sinasadya Sam”) says sorry again… Biggest regret of 2015. T_T.

    Okay, to be honest, first feeling after reading this was, sh*t, mejo… pressure(?). Kasi andun pa rin yung imprint niya sa puso mo. (NOT YOUR FAULT BTW. All caps for emphasis.)

    Pero after mejo nagsettle yung emotions, narealize ko na challenge ‘to for me; na sa 2016, mawala na ang imprint niya. And I look forward to it. Because the last month-plus of 2015 was the best month of my year. I kinda hope it was for you too. And na sa one month na ‘to andami na nangyari na sobrang.. .awesome.

  2. And kung sa one month na yun andami na, paano pa kaya after one year, and beyond? I’m excited. 😁

    (Mejo fail napindot ang post comment nang hindi pa tapos magcomment)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s